


Joke to be Solved, Riddle to Laugh About

by temarcia



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Jokes, Blood, Boys Kissing, DC Comics Rebirth, Knifeplay, Knock-Knock Jokes, M/M, Riddlejokes - Freeform, Sexual Content, War of Jokes and Riddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 14:36:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16578389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/temarcia/pseuds/temarcia
Summary: Joker didn't get invited to Batman's wedding so he comes to see Riddler, the two of them have some history after all.





	1. Joke to be Solved

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by "The War of Jokes and Riddles" and "Preludes to the Wedding". Enjoy!

Joker's glove is stained with red, blood is dripping down from the edge of the knife in his hand. He is smiling. He killed, no, he slaughtered all the men in the room. All of them except one – the Riddler.

Edward watches the man and his blade, his eyes are searching for the slightest movement, much like the snake charmer observes the cobra's head. He has to know, predict what comes next.

“So? Did you get an invitation?” Joker asks all of a sudden, his tone nothing but casual. His smile no longer there.

Riddler begins to understand. “No, I did not,” he tells the truth, slowly regaining his usual confidence. “Even if I did, I still wouldn't have my +1 to go with. Unless you'd be interested.”

The joke doesn't sit well with the Joker, his narrow lips curl in annoyance. Edward takes a careful step towards him. He has a small blade hidden up his sleeve but the Joker has always had quick hands. Dead bodies are lying all around, it's easy to slip on the blood.

And just like a snake, Joker strikes with a fierce speed. The blade glisters in the lamplight.

Riddler jumps back, dodging the stab. He's ready for the next one but Joker's hand freezes. It is almost as if the clown changed his mind. Or as if another attack would be too predictable for his liking.

“Is that a 'no'?” Edward can't help but smirk at the other, watching this man's actions is always a thrill. “Or an elaborated 'yes', perhaps?”

The knife twirls in the gloved hand, playfully. The clown runs his free hand through his slick back hair.

“I might have saved your life once or twice. So what?” He shrugs, not even looking directly at Edward. “It's not a riddle, really, more of a joke. Don't read too much into it, Eddie, just try to enjoy it.”

Now it is Riddler's turn to act fast. He catches the hand with the knife, closing his fingers on it, firmly. Joker struggles but only for a moment, then he stops. If he wanted to stab the Riddler, he'd have done so already – he's not as insane as he pretends to be. The mask of madness is his greatest weapon. Edward knows better, he always does.

Joker's lips are painted red but he doesn't taste like blood. He doesn't taste like anything, really. Or maybe it's just the kiss – too rushed to let the Riddler figure it out once and for all? He pulls away, taking a look at the other man's face – so white, not even a blush. And it is yet another puzzle, like everything else – something to be solved.

Joker slowly licks his lips, solving exactly the same kind of puzzle. He doesn't look too surprised by the deed, not too happy about it either.

“Not enjoying yourself? Not yet?” Riddler asks him. “I can make it more fun for you if you want.”

He leans in again but then there is a hand on his chest, stopping him in place.

“I think you might overestimate your skills.”

“Comedy skills? Or...”

“Both.”

And of course, Edward has to prove him wrong.

“Knock, knock...”

“Who's there?”

“...fuck...” He makes it sound like he doesn't know the answer. Joker plays along.

“Fuck who?”

“Fuck you.”

“You wish.”

“Well, maybe I do.”

They laugh, or chuckle at least, but that is enough – enough to grant Edward another kiss. And this time Joker kisses him back. The hand with the knife is still trapped within Riddler's grasp, the other one travels across Riddler's chest, right beneath the open shirt. Joker's gloved fingers draw something with not yet dried blood. A heart, next to the question mark-shaped scar.


	2. Riddle to Laugh About

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was inspired by "The War of Jokes and Riddles" and "Preludes to the Wedding".  
> Warning: this chapter contains sexual themes!

“Green means ‘go’ and red means ‘stop’,” the sing-song voice chirps inside Joker's head, but all the blood he just artfully spilled doesn't stop the Riddler from kissing him hard, again and again. Green is the man's suit, his pants and his hat, his mouth is hot, his grip – not so tight. All of it screams ‘go’ but Joker pulls away, their foreheads almost touch as the two of them catch their breath, looking like fish out of water.

Then, Joker starts laughing – 'cause it's really funny how Eddie must have thought of this moment for a long, long time. He had to have this idea inside his pretty head for years now, dwelling on it, instead of doing it when he had his first chance. Does he believe in second chances?

Joker laughs some more, amused by the irony of it. It's not a mocking laughter but Riddler... Riddler looks offended.

“Oh, shut up already.” The hiss is not very angry, it's hard to come across as intimidating with a flushed face like that.

The laughter morphs into a mere giggle. “I thought you liked me laughing? You've started a war once, just to hear me do so. Remember those good, old days, Eddie?” The question is pointless, this man never forgets, he's not like those other fools. “I can start a war or end one... Umm... How did that riddle go?”

The Riddler chuckles, his hazel eyes seem to be burning with feverish fire. “You're horrible at riddles. You're not even trying.”

Edward evidently wants to move away but he's hesitating, deciding whether or not to let go of Joker's hand – the one that still holds the knife.

The gun store – ‘Magnum Opus’ – that they're in, is submerged in cold, bluish light. Joker cocks his head to the right. The man in front of him is red and green all over – he is wearing green but his cheeks are so red, and Joker's bright lipstick is smudged across his face. 

Riddler is a mixture of reds and greens tonight, a collection of stop and go signs – a paradox, if you will. And Joker can pick whichever way he wants it to go, whatever he wants to take from that. There are no right or wrong answers.

He grabs Riddler by the waist and pulls the man closer. Their bodies connect but the kiss doesn't come.

“And you're trying too hard for your own good, you know that?” 

His gloved hand slides lazily from the man's waist to his back. Eddie arches a little when it slips even lower. His body is warm to the touch, even through the fabric. And his grip on Joker's wrist is getting weaker with every passing moment. 

Joker could try stabbing him right now, if he wanted to, he killed a bunch of people today already.

Eddie leans in slowly, his blushed cheek brushes over Joker's face as he aims for his ear. “Oh, I'll show you something hard,” he whispers playfully. 

The next thing Joker knows is something hot and wet tracing around the edge of his earlobe. He can't help but shiver when the tongue goes inside his ear. It lasts only a second but the sensation lingers. 

He grabs on him in response, digging his long fingers into Eddie's backside. Riddler lets out a sigh that tickles the wet ear. He pulls in, pressing their hips together, showing that he's hard. They both are, and Joker giggles as he muses at the turn of events this evening.

But is it even a surprise? A punchline that no one expected?

No, Eddie left him many clues, as he always does. Joker just forgot how Riddler used to act around him, how he wanted them to work together, how he went the extra mile trying to outdo him. Back then, there was the Bat on their minds but nowadays the Bat is getting married. They will be left without their reason for the game, without their favorite dance partner.

Joker tightens his grip on the knife's handle, feeling the sudden rush of anger. His other hand shoots up to grab Riddler's collar. Taking hold of his shirt, he pulls him into another kiss – a rough one, filled with rage.

He forces his tongue inside Edward’s mouth, pouring his own frustration into the other. He hears the soft sound coming from the man, he feels how Eddie instinctively rocks their hips together. It calms him down a little, he breaks the kiss.

“Show me something more.” He reaches to stroke Riddler's red face, not really lovingly but not violently either. “Show me your appreciation. You've never even thanked me, have ya?”

Edward's expression darkens at that, it's clear he doesn’t want to play by someone else's rules. Joker's gloved finger brushes against his lips as he waits for Riddler to say something.

“To thank you? For shooting me in the stomach? For making me lie, manipulate, turn on all the others? For leaving me with nothing but scars and bruises?”

“Is this a riddle?” Joker grins at this pointless resentment. “Or are you really that bitter about the whole war-thing, Eddie?”

“It is you who should be thanking me!” The other frowns and catches the hand that was resting on his cheek, taking it off his face. “It is you who should appreciate ME more, for all the things I did for you. I gave you the power over the Bat, over life and death. I brought joy to your unfunny, predictable world. And what did you do for me?”

“I didn't try to kill you ever since...” Joker shrugs, showing no remorse. To emphasize his words, he loosens his grip on the knife in his hand. The weapon falls to the sticky, blood-stained floor with a mournful 'clang'. 

And then, there is silence. “See?” Joker breaks it. “An act of good will.” He kicks the blade to send it sliding out of reach. He has a second knife in his pocket but that's not important right now. “Now it is your turn, Mr. Nigma. You can thank me properly, kiss my hand, get on your knees... You can bring a smile to my face as you did back then.”

So a second chance it is.

“So you finally admit that, if not for me...”

“Eddie-Eddie-Eddie, you're spoiling the mood!”

The dose of frustration that Joker filled him with earlier, now shows in Riddler's actions. The man wraps his arms around him, quickly, almost desperately – one hand in Joker's hair, pulling hard, the other keeping him close. 

“I'll get you in the mood, don't you worry.” 

He pulls even harder and when Joker's head tilts back, Edward's lips find their rightful place on the tender skin of the exposed throat, tasting and sucking on it as if there's no time to waste. 

The lack of subtlety of this treatment lifts the clown's mood indeed. The hand that isn't holding on to his hair, is rubbing Joker's thigh by now, but soon it moves between his legs and he can feel Eddie's lips curl into a smile.

He smiles back at him. Those traitorous fingers groping around his trousers are mean, little, teasing minxes. The touch is too light to be called satisfying but it's just enough to make him want more.

And more comes, of course – it comes in a form of an eager hand grabbing greedily on his waiting hardness. Joker shuts his eyes tight and loudly sucks the air in. Riddler doesn't look at him, just strokes him through the trousers. The sensation grows stronger as the grip gets firmer, and the stupid fabric is starting to get in the way of his pleasure.

Joker does not intend to wait for Eddie to get the hint. He undoes his own belt, unbuttons his trousers and when he's about to unzip them, Riddler stops his hand.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” he hears the silly warning, Edward's mouth is now close to his ear. “What kind of patient is always in a hurry? Impatient. That's what you are.” 

The grip on his hair loosens and Joker is able to cast the other rogue a disappointed look. “If you take it any slower, I'll fall asleep. We can't all wait as long as you,” he chuckles.

Eddie's smile is crooked but he says no more. Instead, he goes down, slowly, oh-so-very slowly sinking to his knees. 

Joker feels like laughing. The scene is too good not to laugh about. Staring down at Riddler, he watches him catch the zipper between his teeth and pull it down with a calculated move. His lively hands help Joker to free himself of his pants, and as the man in green licks his own lips absentmindedly, Joker just has to ask: "You sure you know what you're doin'?"

The feel of the wet tongue over the thin layer of silk causes him to exhale, almost gasp, and almost forget the previous question.

"You could have waited with your complaints until I begin," Eddie is pouting, or at least wants to but his blushing face is tainted with lust. “But yes, I have some experience. And I'm a quick learner.” He runs his tongue over the fabric again, then reaches up to make the silky trunks slide down Joker's legs.

“Good.” The hot breath on his naked skin turns his voice into a low, raspy sound. “I don't like amateurs, and I don't give points for simply trying...” He can't continue, Riddler's hand provides too much distraction.

His fingers are careful, his pace is just right, and one moment later his tongue joins the fun. Joker tilts his head back, letting out a purr. His hand searches for Edward's head, it finds it and rests upon his stupid, green bowler. 

The blood on Joker's glove didn't dry up yet, it leaves red stains on Riddler's silly hat. But none of them notices, none of them cares. And Joker casts that bowler aside to run his gloved fingers through the auburn hair. 

Soon, the warmth is all around him as Eddie starts bobbing his head. It's easy to give in to that sensation, to just enjoy this wet and willing mouth, this flicking tongue, and busy hand. 

But no – Joker grunts and clutches his fingers, trying to inflict a little pain. Eddie responds with a low, guttural sound which sends shivers through Joker's whole body.

After that, the pacing increases. Small groans escape Joker's throat every now and then. Poor Edward is working his ass off, eyes half-closed, one hand on Joker's hip, the other playing with his groin. Joker doesn't do much in return but as the pleasure continues, he feels this strong urge to take out his pocket knife and draw some blood – stab someone, kill someone...

No, no, that won't do – he doesn't want this to stop now. On the other hand, would Eddie mind being cut a little? His hand is in the pocket of his jacket before he even knows it, fishing out the knife. Ah, it's so good to have a weapon within your grasp again!

“Mmm...”

He doesn't have a chance to cut the skin, shed the blood, or use the knife at all. Riddler notices the movement and catches his hand. His fingernails dig painfully into Joker's skin, not only around his wrist but also...

“Aah! Watch it!” He gasps in pain as his private parts are getting squeezed far too hard for it to be tolerable. When he looks down, he sees Eddie's furious gaze, his mouth no longer occupied with the most important matter.

“What the hell?!” Edward refers to the knife, most likely.

“It's just...for fun. I wasn't going to kill you.”

The grip doesn't get lighter and Joker hisses again. It hurts. Luckily, he has never been a stranger to a little pain.

“You arrogant asshole, do you think this is funny?!”

“Now, that you mentioned it...” A broken laugh, that sounds more like a bark, escapes through Joker's clenched teeth. “...yeah, it really is...”

He starts to cackle like a fool, bending forward and leaning toward Edward, who is not amused. The man lets go of him and is about to get up. Joker puts a hand on his shoulder, keeping him in place.

“Don't be mad, sugar. I meant no harm,” he utters through spasms of giggles and chuckles, still trying to be tempting. “Besides, Harley has never minded some knifeplay...” He pats Riddler's cheek but the man angrily turns his head to the side.

“I'm not your brain-dead ex-girlfriend, Joker!”

“Of course you're not,” he grins at him wildly, his smiling face just above man's forehead. “If you were... Well, let's just say my Harley was really good at this...”

“Oh, that's it!” Eddie's hazel eyes are burning like hellfire and Joker loves that kind of look. It reminds him of someone...

Before Edward can get up from his knees, Joker pushes him down, forcing him to sit back on his heels.

“That's it?” He repeats with fake worry in his otherwise mocking tone of voice. “You're gonna leave it like this? Started and unfinished? A problem unsolved? A plan left undone?”

He takes one foot and slowly pushes it between Riddler's thighs, pressing it gently to the bulge in his pants – the toe box of his shoe rubbing at it lightly.

“I thought you hate unfinished things,” Joker murmurs sweetly, his foot continues with a careful motion. He uses one finger to guide Edward's chin up. Then, he leans down for a possessive kiss, one that makes Eddie moan into his mouth. The man spreads his thighs wider, allowing for more teasing, and Joker knows that the night won't end for them just yet. 

When they part, Riddler looks ready to take up where he left off. His hand, however, never leaves its place on Joker's wrist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> This story was meant to be a one-shot but I was asked to continue - so here you are!  
> This is my first nsfw story, and gosh, it was difficult. I hope I did not fail. Would you like even more chapters on this?  
> Please, leave your comments!


End file.
